Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Why I'm Banned from ebay

My name is Whitney and I am an E-bay addict.
It has been 9 days since my last E-bay binge.

Due to the frequency, irrationality and financially irresponsible nature of my E-bay binges my husband has banned me from online bidding indefinitely.

I have been Banned from E-bay. 

You may think this a harsh punishment, that he is being chauvinist and controlling by not allowing me this cyber vice.
This is sadly not the case.
While it is fortunate that my husband is not a financial dictator - it's unfortunate that compulsive clicking/bidding is on my "things to work on" list.

  Let me start with the fact that I have an addictive personality. If I had ever seriously tried drinking I'm sure I would be a raging alcoholic and this blog would be populated by drastically more spelling errors, drunken rants and pointless pictures... But I'm not allowed to drink; thus I've sicced my addictive nature on online shopping instead. 

I'd like to point out that online is the operative word here - I'm not a shopaholic; my problem isolated to the world wide web. Here's why. 

Upon entering a store I react just like any other female

I find that one item I just NEED to have. 

Then I love it. I impulsively decide I simply MUST buy it.

I head for the check out stand, still acting on impulse mind you, but still have time for reason to sneak in before sliding the plastic. 

Despite lust's valiant efforts, rationality almost always takes over and wins the debate.
I realize that I need to eat more than I need the outfit - and I remember that I don't like to spend money. 

Almost as quickly as I fell in love with the must have item I am able to talk myself out of it.

Tragically, I have abandoned many must have purchases in the name of frugality.

In the off chance that something sneaks through the rational shopping sieve, I can always return the item the next day if I catch a case of buyer's remorse. 

As illustrated above, normal/physical shopping has checks and balances to curb impulsive spending sprees. 
Ebay does not. 

When I'm on E-bay, the checks do not balance and spontaneity strikes. 

I will usually start by just browsing on e-bay, ruing over the drastically low prices Hong Kong has to offer when compared with local retail prices.

Periodically, I find things I like

And I bid on them. 

I celebrate, feel proud of my bidding prowess and continue to browse... until the screen changes. 

Then I get a bidding high. I feel so powerful with my little clicker that I start to bid on ALL the earrings

As my evil plot thickens, I plan to prevent all other E-bay users from ever winning any auction ever again. I concoct a plan to become the e-bay queen, buyer of all things beautiful. I bid on all of the things I simply MUST have. 

...But then I my plan comes to fruition and I really do win ALL the auctions. And I have to pay for all the auction I win. 

And that is how I ended up with:

 88 pairs of China's finest earrings (of which 36 are one of three designs)

 7 tankini swim suit tops

 1200 rubber earring backings, 

5 striped maxi dresses

 and 13 pairs of colored leggings

Unlike normal fun found treasures, I cannot get buyers remorse and return all of my impromptu purchases the next day. 

E-bay makes you stare at your bid for days - giving you hope that some other idiot will bid $16.00 on a maxi dress made for the asian body type that will NEVER fit in length nor width. Then E-bay villainously extracts the money directly from your bank account when you have to "pay the pal" you unwittingly won junk from. Not only do you slowly watch your winning history add up without the ability to retract your bid clicks, but you have to wait for another 7-24 business days to receive your ill conceived purchase. It's all down hill after the bid confirmation. 

For all of these reasons I have removed myself from the e-bay bidding pool, albeit at the prompting of my well meaning husband. 

No more "bathroom breaks" during work hours to monitor the last few minutes of a soon to end auction on the E-bay app. 

No more sneaking around, secretly celebrating my e-bay victories. 

No more E-bay. 

Goodbye E-bay, possibly forever. 

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